I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
