I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
