...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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