you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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