new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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