Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
