You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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