I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
