Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We left the knife in your bed.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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