those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
