I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
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Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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