Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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