I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
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