I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I need to stop coming to work sober
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
