i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
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I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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