life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
