I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
