i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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