I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
