I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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