Duck Duck Cougar?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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