I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
