My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
