When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We smell like vodka and hangover
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