WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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