just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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