My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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