I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
