Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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