My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize