Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
