I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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