Swine flu is the new snow day.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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