he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
