escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
