Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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