Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
