this beer tastes like vomit already
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
