she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
