i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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