...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
