i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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