We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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