we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
