I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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