It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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