go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
