I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
