He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
