I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize