who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
