do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
