can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
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just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
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He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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