Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't deserve a penis
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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