I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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