Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
