PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
