She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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