I feel like I'm in dance class right now
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
