When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
