My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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