I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am puke
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
