Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
