i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
