you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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