She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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