I wish I only lived at night.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
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I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
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That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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