my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
