His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
