anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
