Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Duck Duck Cougar?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
