God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
