Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
