you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
