Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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